A Loss for Words

I don't even know what to say
To this person we all
Once knew
You're so different now
Unpredictable
and
Changed
Defensive
Unapproachable.

I wonder why you are silent
About your secret
To the ones who love you most
To the ones you'll disappoint the most
Perhaps we're unapproachable in your mind.

I'd rather be
Approached
than
Ignored

Yes I'm disappointed
But my feelings about your choices
Do not change the way
You choose
To live life.
My feelings do not overshadow the love I feel
For the sister I once knew so well

Somewhere you got lost, girl
Searching, through radical behavior
and misconstrued ideas,
for Unconditional love.

You have found the secret;
But another lies beneath
Your chosen path,
Off the ones beaten,
Which will challenge you with
Sacrifice
Loneliness
and
Fear
Long before your time

It pains me
That you could not
Take the pride
You preach
And tell your
Sister
of your quest
and your treasure.

It is not a trophy.
It is life.

The Process. Part I. Bummed.

There's no other way to describe it...bummed...it's taking him. I was scared today. Scared that I wouldn't know what to do if he really needed me. He's so fragile. He's on the verge...and I'm so heartbroken. I know I need to take this opportunity to tell him all the things I feel, but I think that would take another lifetime. He and I are kindred spirits. I am proud to call him my grandfather and my friend. Losing him is losing a part of myself...a part of my heart...a piece of my soul. I will miss him dreadfully. He hasn't left me yet, but it is really difficult seeing him like this. He wears his bald head well...but it breaks my heart that I can't do anything. I'm helpless...sitting idle by his side, watching, waiting, fearing, screaming, holding on so fucking tight...to do nothing...but love him. And that's all I can do. Forever.

Medicine Heady

Snow is sticking to my driveway--snot is sticking to my nostril.

Ice is forming on the eve--mucus is forming in my chest.

My head feels like a thick fog just wiped away my few remaining brain cells.

The rest of my body feels normal--ready to work--ready to play...in the snow.

I like being cozy. In my house on the farm. With my Heroes. With my Ellios.

I could do without the Tissues and Sneezures, Coughing fits and chapped lips. But...

It's quiet.

So quiet I can hear the snow tapping the window.

So quiet I can hear the deer traveling through the woods.

So quiet I think the sound of my own sickly wheezing is a mouse under my chair...maybe I should check my temperature...