Sensative Strangers

I know there are many things in this world that offend people; whether it's a "curse word" in a movie that an elderly woman doesn't approve of, the use of the word "black" to describe an individual, or someone stating that they are pro-choice. Taking offense doesn't change the situation, it merely changes your perception of the situation. An innocent conversation to some may be a conversation full of evil to another. It really is a waste of time to utter such offenses, when nothing will change it. There will always be another way to offend.

Spirit2all

While I was packing, preparing to move, I was listening to my iPod on 'shuffle', like always, and right in the middle of a song (Blues Traveler, i think, but I'm not sure) it cut off and David Bowie started to play.
Two things are weird about this occurrence: iPods don't skip, and my stepfather (dad) loved David Bowie. The only reason David Bowie is on my iPod is because I made a CD that played during his viewing, which included several David Bowie songs. I listened to many songs thoroughly, carefully, choosing.
*I have over 1,000 songs on my iPod currently, so it's a decent shuffle--right??
Anyway, one night (taking the long way home) I got to thinking about him and his spirit and where he chooses to fly. I tend to speak to spirits aloud because I think that they will respond or listen to our requests. I'm sure it sounds weird, but it is me, so it is weird.
I said, "I dig that you're hangin' out, but please don't scare me." I was just getting ready to move to a house on a 13 acre farm, I didn't need the extra spook. The house has been great--the last two nights I have heard different sounds, but I haven't determined if they are house sounds or creature sounds.
Anyway, I have to get back on track, my tangents are annoying me--I'm sure they're annoying anyone who happens to be reading this.
Now, when I sit in my new house and listen to shuffle, I feel like it has moods. I've said that about the "shuffle" option for years. You can almost sense the type of mood it's in. Sometimes it'll play a ton of jazz, blues, and r&b, some days weird Al comes on a lot, or Dave Matthews will come on a ton or not at all...i don't know. But I can't help but think that whenever a song from his album or a David bowie song comes on that he's in the room or even just passing through...

I guess it's all in my perception (ah, both a realist and a mystic--I break my own heart).



During this post:

Deep Banana Blackout (funky jam band)
Half Brass (instrumental jazz big band)
Spin Doctors
Dixie Chicks
Elton John
The Wreckers (Country--Michelle Branche and some other chick--they're pretty good. I don't really get into country other than Dixie Chicks.)

Illness

Ugh. Being sick is the worst feeling ever--sick-to-your-stomach sick. Yuck. Finding comfort in the coolness of the bathroom floor. Record-breaking teeth-brushing. Ginger Ale actually tastes good--especially over ice. Wanting so badly to feel normal again--scared that I never will. I know that sounds silly to you, but in the midst of the fever, sweating, chills, and heavy napping, it doesn't to me. I know I'll get better, but we are all familiar with the worlds we create while we're sick--wondering what's going on in the real world, thankful that no one has called, yet wishing someone would. Wondering what they're doing. Wondering just how long it will be before you have to venture out into that world again--and, although you miss it, secretly you're enjoying daytime television...well, unless it has to come between trips to the bathroom...ugh. Let's face it, I'd give anything to get back to the real world...

Interupt-us

Big family = a lot of talkers

Everyone wants to be heard
Some fade into the background
While the others carry on, loud, noisy as can be

It's frustrating
But it happens
And it is clearly impossible that it will never happen again

Be aware of timing
Work the situation
Instead of letting the situation work you
Griping about it only makes you annoying
And hard to be around

Deal with it.

We're not going anywhere
We're stuck with the interruptions
Side conversations
Oblivious responses
Pretend nods
Distracted smiles

You're guilty!
That's what makes this so absurd
You get so upset

Yet you do the same EXACT thing!

Sit back.
Relax.
Observe.
Enjoy
the Noise
Love
the Family
and know that when the time is right
You will be heard.
You always are...eventually.

The Rumor Mill

People say I've changed, people say I'm different. Granted, these people--this mill-- is full of acquaintances that fate has brought to cross my path. They don't know me. They don't know who I used to be. They don't know how much I've been stifled, how much I've suppressed, how my depression ate at my core. It felt good to feel depressed, as it sometimes does--everyone goes through it. But now, it feels good to be "different" even though "different" is the same as before; only this time, I'm not attached to the idea of forever in a romantic sunlit setting. I'm happy being with me. I'm happy having my space and my things occupying it. I'm proud of what I have, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep it. The change I smelled in the air months ago is still breezing through--there is still an amount of change to take place, this move was only the beginning. Even though I cannot deny my inner desire to have a warm body in my bed, I am confident that that warm body does not need to be permanent. I'm happy with myself, in this little nook, my piece of Ireland tucked in the depths of an exploding America--I finally found my niche.