Ah, to Please all the People

I was confronted tonight about the fact that I don't speak up when I want to do something, or if I don't want to do something. All I hear, Ask the Birthday Girl. It's Your Day, what do you want to do? I know it's my birthday. I'm not one to want to be the complete center of attention. And, I want all the people involved to be comfortable and having a good time. But, I think my acuser is guilty of the same thing. She doesn't realize it, but she is. Even after the confrontation, I don't feel like she understands me any better. I'm back to the whole, no one listens to me deal. Boo Hoo. I just think if someone listened to me once in a while, they would see the window through which all the insight about myself shines through. I am a very open, honest person, but I do want everyone to be happy. So, when someone says, Do you want to go out to celebrate, even though I don't typically "go out," I will to go with the flow. This really makes me feel conflicted because some tell me to relax and "go with the flow" and others tell me to be more decisive. When I'm decisive, I'm bossy, when I'm relaxed, I'm just letting people tell me what to do. I don't feel like I could have won, no matter what. I did have a decent time tonight. The "other friend" found two really young Dungeons and Dragons, straight out of high school, boys she thought I was interested in. Nope. No clue. Instead, we played photo hunt, and drank. Not everyone had a good time. That upsets me, especially because it was supposedly an outing in my honor, and I just wanted everyone to be happy. I feel like people should put out the ideas they have too, rather than leaving up to one person to decide for the group. Ugh. Ugh.
I just ate an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's--shit, I could've skipped the gym this week. Fuck.