Resignation

I’d like to start out by saying that I have thoroughly enjoyed my time here. I’m especially fond of the insane mood swings, walking on eggshells, and fights heard round the office. I’m thankful for the arbitrary and utterly ridiculous attacks on my work ethics despite my record-breaking productivity and my consistent effort. Thank you for having faith in me and allowing me to continue my employment despite my cheerfully loud ways. I know you haven’t always been fond of the friends I have chosen in your company, but I’m so grateful that you have brought your feelings to my attention by singling me out and warning me of my friends’ loyalty and ability to harm my position here. I’ve learned so much from the ethics you have shown, that I feel confident to move on, knowing how NOT to run a business based on these inappropriate techniques. The pounds of negative karma you have acquired, through your treatment of me alone, are bound to award you with bankruptcy and foreclosure, I can’t imagine what the rest will bring you. Well, now that I’m gone, maybe you can once again enjoy the business you’ve created on paranoia, distrust, and outright disrespect for all those you chose to join you in your financial endeavor. Enjoy your winnings. Sit high on your pedestal of self-righteousness and all-mighty power. Your tears will flood the Earth when it’s lost.