An Angry Loss

“What did you do?”
“What the fuck did you do?”

These were my thoughts
Speeding,
Screaming,
Livid,
Sad
For my family
To support them
And love them
While they dealt with
Yet another disappointment.

“Wherever you are…
I hope you’re at peace.”

This is what you wanted.
This is what you asked for.
This is why you drowned yourself
In the sorrows of your psychosis.
This is why you abandoned us.

You couldn’t see passed
Your pain
Causing
Anguish
Anger
Fear
You didn’t want to deal
Saturated with intoxication
From a love you’ve had for years.

Once so young
So strong
Gradually
Became so distant,
Estranged
Desperate

You’ve missed lifetimes.
You’ve missed love.
You’ve missed helping hands.
You’ve missed the unity of a family.

Who will miss you?
You’ve been away for so long.
Nothing will change.
Everything will stay the same.

You wanted this to happen.
You wanted nothing
You wanted isolation
The world had let you down.

Now it’s left for us to hold.
Look what let us down.

The weight of your addiction
Finally lifted
Remains
Sodden
With once-told lies
Excuses
Nothing
Behind closed doors.

We opened our arms to you
We opened our hearts
We tolerated everything
For nothing
But guilt in return

We waded in your self-pity
We groveled at your feet

So tired
So worn
So angry
With contempt
We grieved your choice

While supporting your health
Forcing you to comply
Destroying denial
Bringing you face to face

With the addiction
That tore us apart.

This is what you wanted.